Following the outrage of some Lebanese that other Lebanese were outraged at a possible shirtgate involving demonizing a Virgin Mary icon are not aware of well-rooted Mexican folklore, the Mexican embassy, in collaboration with the Lebanese government, will be building a Santa Muerte shrine in the village of DeirBella.
Issuing a brief statement on the matter, the Mexican embassy noted the “overwhelming support” their not-recognized saint has gotten over the past few hours in Lebanon. They were “absolutely dumbfounded” by the well-rooted knowledge of Santa Muerte among the Lebanese populace whereby everyone seems to be quite the expert. “We didn’t know Santa Muerte had so many fans in Lebanon,” they said, “this makes us quite excited about possible culture fusion between the countries.” The embassy was also quite “enthusiastic” about the culture fusion prospect in Lebanese society, à la St. Patrick’s Day and Thanksgiving.
“It shouldn’t be exclusive to the Irish and the Americans, now should it?” They said.
A date to celebrate the Day of the Dead is still being debated. They’re not sure if it fits with all the Halloween parties that will take place on October 31st.
The Lebanese government, on the other hand, sees this step as another confirmation of the deep ties between Lebanon and Mexico where a sizable expat population could be found. They find the building of the Santa Muerte shrine will strengthen the relation between the two countries, giving both expats and Lebanese residents a taste of Mexican lore. The government noted the choice of location as somewhere that has a Spanish flare in its name so Santa Muerte feels right at home.
Seeing as Santa Muerte is not recognized by both the Catholic Church and the Mexican Catholic Church, both governments have teamed up with country-gone-pop singer Taylor Swift in order to record an anthem taking a jab at the inadequacy of the Catholic Church and the ignorance of those who don’t know Santa Muerte outside of its natural habitat. The initial leaked lyrics read the following:
I remember when Pope Francis was elected, last month
We said this is it, now’s our shot
Cause like he wasn’t wearing a fancy robe
When he waved his one Argentinian hand
Then he came around again and said
Minions, Santa Muerte will not be recognized ever
And all of you have to deal with it
God Bless those who don’t know it exists.
Oh, Santa Muerte called me up last night and said
The Catholic Church and I are never ever ever getting together
We are never ever ever getting together
They can talk to their minions, talk to their friends, talk to me
But the Catholic Church and I are never ever ever getting together
We are not entirely sure about the hit potential of the above song but rumor has it Najwa Karam was enlisted to write the accomagnying Arabic version. Her latest tweets have all been of the anthem’s possible lyrics: “Albi fata7, seret shouf, Santa Muerte ejet.”
Meanwhile, research is underway at the American University of Beirut between psychologist Thomas Renecamp and philosopher Patrick Henderson. This rare collaboration between these often-diverging sciences is centered around the peculiar reaction that was observed following ShirtGate whereby Lebanese people established a duality of freedom of expression. They are trying to understand the dynamics behind calling other people ignorant and condescending because of a simple disagreement of opinion. “Freedom of expression seems to go only one way only in Lebanon,” Henderson said. “If your opinion isn’t that of the cool people, then your opinion is automatically relegated to something subpar compared to the other self-proclaimed wise men and women.”
They are also working on a hierarchy of ignorance whereby different levels of the entity will be categorized as they have found the term to be thrown around very loosely.
“Not sure if an English word or a prostitute,” professor Renecamp was heard saying in typical German candidness.
If you feel like participating in their research, you can email TR8656@aub.edu.lb and PH7.firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Maronite and Catholic Churches in Lebanon have yet to take any measures due to the Patriarch being on a European road trip for the next month and a half.
The shrine in question is set to open on April 31st, 2013.