Ladies and gentlemen, as another week rolls by, we have another scandal about which you will probably be talking for the next seven days.

Sally Jreij, our lovely Miss Lebanon, is in one hell of a problem. A few days ago, a picture surfaced on Instagram that featured our pride and joy (especially true for Northerners) with a few other contestants.

In that same picture, on the far left corner was a face that would have been pretty meaningless if it weren’t for the ribbon she had around her torso. ISRA- oh my god, our internal security is in ruins.

From left to right:
Miss Israel, Miss Lebanon, Miss Slovenia and Miss Japan.

Can you believe it? Our very own pride and joy managed to disgrace the country in a selfie with the enemy? What will befall us? What future can we promise our children when our very own representative to the beauties managed to ruin our country’s flawless reputation that way?

Except Sally Jreij did not purposefully take the selfie and was actually photobombed, not that this will deter the scandal from taking place because – as I said – we certainly have a shortage of those around here.

The following is her statement on the matter:

“To all my supporters and Lebanese citizens, I would like to thank you indeed for your continuous support of Miss Lebanon at the Miss Universe contest …The truth behind the photo: Since the first day of my arrival to participate to Miss Universe, I was very cautious to avoid being in any photo or communication with Miss Israel (that tried several times to have a photo with me).

I was having a photo with Miss Japan, Miss Slovenia and myself; suddenly Miss Israel jumped in, took a selfie, and put it on her social media. This is what happened and I hope to have your full support in the Miss Universe contest”

Sally Jreij knows not to be seen with the enemy at places were it’s almost certain to be around them. She knows that when it comes to Lebanon and Israel, we are the ones supposed to forfeit, run away from pictures and be resistant at every corner, because we do not believe their existence is justified.

In fact, Sally Jreij did that not so long ago at yet another international pageant with Miss Israel Mor Maman:

From the 124 contestants, Maman’s best friend is Miss Kirgizstan and she has not been treated with hostility so far, expect for an incident concerning Miss Lebanon: “On one of the trips they took us on some of us girls wanted to take a selfie. Miss Lebanon wanted to join but asked me where I was from. When I told her I was from Israel, she declined the photo.”

Leave it to Lebanon to make a big deal out of nothing when we’re drowning up to our chins in problems.

So as a reminder, for when you are sharing that selfie, calling her a traitor and pointing her towards the public guillotine, here are 5 issues that are taking place as we speak and which most of you aren’t giving a second glance:

1 – Our Kidnapped Soldiers in Arsal:

How many months has it been since those soldiers were taken hostage by Islamists? How many days have their parents set up camps, blocked roads and did the impossible to bring attention to their sons? How many of those soldiers have been beheaded already to exert pressure on the country? How many questions of those can you answer without reverting to google?

Just today, two of our soldiers were injured by Israelis in the South. But obviously, that is less important than a selfie.

2 – Tripoli Had Two Explosions Last Week:

Between Charlie, Ahmed and every single Frenchman last week, we have failed to notice that the country lost 9 people in a double suicide attack in Tripoli last week. We didn’t have vigils in Beirut about them. No one protested. I bet few even cared. The news that one of the victims of those attacks was a bonafide hero didn’t even make a dent in our news. We couldn’t even agree on a hashtag to support Tripoli in the explosions. If you’re wondering, the hashtag to support sally is #StandForSally.

3 – No President:

I’m listing this as the #3 issue because it has become so passé. Our parliament failed yet again to elect a president last week. How many times have those been? I personally don’t know so you’re forgiven if you don’t know either. I suppose a country without a president is surely allowed to be panicky about a selfie with the enemy, right?

4 – A Recycled Parliament:

Never since the Civil War has a Lebanese parliament been a space occupying lesion as this one. They’ve been around for more than 5 years now. They will be around for 2 more. They are not passing any laws. They are not serving the country in anything, and if you look at point number 3, they have failed again and again to elect a president. Who cares when Miss Lebanon took a selfie with Miss Israel goddamit!

5 – Rule of Guns:

Yves Nawfal passed away last week because he was shot by people who thought above the law and whose entire lives revolve around guns. A couple of days after Yves’ death, another girl named Eliane Safatly was shot dead by a man who protested with his gun to not being allowed into a night club. Americans have their gun rights protected in their constitution. We can’t even begin to talk about an issue that’s killing our youth one by one. But, again, just look at that traitorous selfie for fuck’s sake!

Leave Sally Jreij alone:

The selfie that has you all upset has been around for 6 days. The only way this is causing our national security to go up in flames is through our insecurity that Miss Lebanon doesn’t know her limits as Lebanese abroad.

This is an ‘fyi’ to all those who are up in a fit: there are many, many Lebanese abroad who go to colleges and conferences and who also find themselves in attendance with Israelis. And they all know how to behave in order not to have people calling for their heads back home.

In a world of globalization, when someone is not a traitor, don’t make them one just because you feel like it, especially when real-life traitors are getting free out-of-jail cards because of their connection.

A few days from now, when the Miss Universe pageant is in full swing, Miss Lebanon will most certainly find herself in the same frame as Miss Israel. Are we going to panic then?

And you know what, our very own Sally Jreij is so much prettier than Miss Israel. So let our enemy of the south take that!