A Pink October Diagnosis

She was sitting in the doctor’s clinic waiting. Who knew it’d take that long… and who knew anyone could be that nervous. She was transfixed by the tiles in front of her. She never thought she’d be in this situation. It had been three years.

The doctor called her name and she slowly walked the few steps to the door where she knew her life might change in a heartbeat. She sat down with her husband by her side. She grabbed his hand. She had never been this afraid. Not when her brother was killed. Not when she got the news that her father had died, back when she was a new nineteen year old bride.

She remembered that day two weeks prior when her sons nagged her head off to go to a hospital and do a test she was putting off for three years now. She remembered how she nervously received the results that said further examinations need to take place. She remembered how she had booked a biopsy appointment and how afraid she was when she went inside those surgery halls and waited for something she never thought she’d do.

The doctor approached her then and administered an anesthetic. He asked her to look away. But it was too late. She had seen that gun and that needle and they were going to go in there and she was going to suffer like she never did before. The pain was tolerable. The idea of it was horrible. But she survived. What she didn’t know however was that the ten days she was going to go through in order to get the results were going to be worse.

She didn’t eat. She didn’t drink. She didn’t sleep. She’d wake up early on some days and sit in the living room to cry. She didn’t think anyone would know. But her son did because he’s as light a sleeper as she is. She wasn’t convinced that the reassuring words the doctor had given her were genuine. She wasn’t convinced by the pep talks her family was giving her. The only thing that would give her a peaceful state of mind was a piece of paper which held that sentence she longed for: Negative. And she was never happier about the prospect of hearing the word no.

The doctor spoke and she was unwillingly tuning him out. She had known it wasn’t good news when her husband called a couple of hours earlier and shouted at the secretary in order to get through to him after he had seen his wife go to hell and back waiting for the results that they both knew were available, only to see the look upon his face change for a fraction of a second before he regained composure and tell her that they need to go see the doctor. Why would the doctor want to see them if it weren’t bad?

And she cried without wanting to. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t stop them. The doctor uttered those two words. “Breast cancer.” And she felt her whole world tumbling around her. Her husband, her three boys, her mother, her sister…. They would all lose her. But then the doctor asked her to regain composure because it wasn’t all bad. The cancer was still in a very early stage and perfectly treatable. The few cells that threatened her life had a treatment course to them that could be easily planned out. She needed to stay strong in order to beat them.

So she decided that being afraid and weak wouldn’t get her anywhere. She decided she wasn’t going anywhere and she was sure as hell not letting a capsule containing a few malignant cells stand in her way.

I’m not sure where my mother would have been if I hadn’t convinced her to do a mammography this year. I’m not sure what would have happened if she had waited one more year. Odds are I wouldn’t have had a mother that wanted to hug me whenever she saw me, despite my efforts not to let her, if that had happened. Odds are I wouldn’t have had a mother constantly worrying about anything and everything every single waking moment of every day. Odds are I wouldn’t have had a mother who loved me unconditionally and never saw anything wrong in me. Odds are I wouldn’t have one of the few people in this world that mean more to me than this world itself.

I will not bore you with science that you will never care about. Knowing that women over the age of 30 have an increased risk of breast cancer especially if they had never had children is irrelevant. People fall through statistical cracks all the time and they’re gone before you know it. You never think that something like this would happen to you until it does. You hear those stories about other families having family members getting these cancer diagnoses but you always have the idea that you live behind a protective capsule that will never be broken by those deadly cells. Until it does. And that’s what I’m sure my mother thought long before she was diagnosed.

The only thing I ask of you is to get your mother and loved ones to see a doctor this time of year. Getting a mammography is an examination which would be uncomfortable for only a few minutes but it may save their lives.

Here’s to our mothers being there and staying next to us – despite their ungodly stubbornness and their resiliency to never take care of themselves the way they’d do of us. But we love them anyway because there’s no one else in the whole world who will love you like your mother does.

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32 thoughts on “A Pink October Diagnosis

  1. My dad had an MRI scan after something similar to a TIA attack. He is fine now. Our parents aren’t in their 30s anymore, all the more reason to value them being around.

    All the best to your mother, you and your family.

    Reply
    • Your dad needs to be careful. TIAs are usually indicative of more serious things to come. Make sure he does cardiac and carotid exams for any abnormalities.Your dad needs to be careful. TIAs are usually indicative of more serious things to come. Make sure he does cardiac and carotid exams for any abnormalities.
      He also might need to watch over his blood pressure – major CVA incidents are usually preceded by TIAs.

      Reply
  2. I know how u re feeling because i ve been through this with my mom 18 months ago.Prayers to your mom and your family,I m sure she will make it with your help and presence by her side.

    Reply
  3. Elie – I’m so sorry for your pain and for what your mother is going through and all of you. She will remain strong and fight this – I can hear it in your story which you so eloquently wrote. I know how scary this is – my dad had colon cancer and after treatment, it will be 10 years clean November 21. I am forever thankful to all the doctors and nurses that took care of him and my mother who was always by his side. They’ve been married 57 years and God Bless them. I know your mother will fight this and that your family will be right beside her. My prayers go out to you and your family! Stay strong for your Mom! Your friend, Ann

    Reply
  4. She is,thanks God.She is a fighter,fought the disease with all the strength she could find despite her weak condition,and now she is back to normal life.Elie,you,your brothers and your Dad should be the protective walls on which she will probably need to lean on.

    Reply
  5. We discovered her brain tumor a bit late, so she had to leave a bit early… Although my mother’s love out lived her, and still grows, the wish she made till another tomorrow still burns hard… All my prayers to the well being of yours, and cheers to all moms 🙂

    Reply
  6. My mother and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I’m always reminding her of how important it is for her to engage in regular breast screens, but this in particular provided that extra push to help her understand the importance of prevention. I pray that all goes well for your mum. May the Lord be with you and your family, and bless you all with only good health and strength.

    Reply
    • Thank you Remona. And I’m really glad I manage to push your mom into doing the mammography.
      I really hope it turns out to be squeaky clean!
      Thank you for reading 🙂

      Reply
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  9. Aw, this was an incredibly nice post. Finding the time and actual
    effort to produce a great article… but what can I say… I hesitate a whole lot and
    don’t seem to get anything done.

    Reply
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  11. Hey Elie, someone asked me an important question today, where can we get a mammography for free in Lebanon. Do important medical centers do something special for October? Like reduced price etc?
    Hope you can help

    Reply

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