Author Archives: eliefares

The Hangover 3 (2013) – Movie Review

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Milking it. That’s what The Hangover 3 is in a nutshell. After a comedy tour de force with the first part and a decent-enough black comedy with the second, comes a PG-13 level and hopefully final iteration in the series of middle-aged debaucheries. Except part 3 has no such things. Not even a little.

The same guys are back in an attempt to get Allen (Zack Galifianakis) to some form of rehabilitation center. On their way there, their car is ambushed by Marshall (John Goodman) who takes one of them hostage in order for them to get Mr. Chow.
There’s no drunkedness here. There are no prostitutes to serve up some seriously awkward moments. Even Melissa McCarthy borders on the irrelevant as a possible love interest for Allen. The talents of Bradley Cooper, recently discovered in Silver Linings Playbook, are wasted. John Goodman is simply turned silly as the thug of the show.

The same people that brought us the first two movies are back here. Director Todd Philips’ work in The Hangover is put to absolute shame with this sequel. The plot is silly at best. The laughs don’t even exist. The shock factors don’t come naturally. The characters are so thin that it’s impossible to do anything with them anymore.

At one point a third into the movie, as Bradley Cooper’s character watches Mr. Chow sing a karaoke song (Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt”), he proclaims: “what the fuck am I watching?”
I was feeling the same at that point. But I hoped the movie would pull itself together. It didn’t happen. The Hangover 3 is, similarly to the other 2 parts in the trilogy, a big mess. Except it’s not the good type this time. It’s the type of messes you want to keep behind you and never look at again. Kill it, kill it with fire.

1/5

The Conclusion of Dahye’s Missiles: Tripoli Is Not a Lebanese City

2 missiles fell in Beirut today, targeting Hezbollah’s stronghold Dahyeh. Nobody knows why the missiles were fired.
They could be to serve as further proof for the need to extend parliament’s mandate. They could be to show that Hezbollah’s involvement in Syria is not inhumane but very needed.
They could have a multitude of reasons. But I don’t really care.

Minutes after Dahyeh was hit with the two missiles, the level of panic rose to enormous levels. Lebanese media was all over it with live coverage from the sites of the missile launch, conspiracy theories along the lines of المؤامرة على سوريا were being thrown around, to name a few.

Our minister of interior Marwan Charbel was the first Lebanese official to visit the site in question. More will soon follow because can you imagine them not visiting an area that was just targeted with two missiles?

Guess again.

Over the past week, the capital of North Lebanon was hit with thousands of missiles and mortars, 1200 of which fell in one single night.

How many official visits happened to the city? Zero.

How extensive was the media coverage for the battles? Let me quote a friend of mine who has been following the news very closely: “I was honestly convinced the electoral law was the most important thing taking place today.”

Did you know that snipers are still shooting aplenty across the city?

Even the politicians of Tripoli were quicker to condemn the missiles of Beirut than the missiles of their own city.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached the realization we’ve all been pondering over for a long time now. It may be within the confines of our beloved and much-spoke about 10452km2 but the Northern city of Tripoli might not be effectively part of this country at all. And we never had such temporally close examples to back that claim up.

We complain about some media’s hypocrisy in the way they talk of the region’s conflicts. And yet we do it, and we keep doing it. The missiles that hit Tripoli are not as important. The latest toll of 31 dead which fell in the recent battles is not important. The reasons why Tripoli is being victim for repeated battles are never spoken about. The citizens of the city who live in terror for days and nights are never really cared about. They are as irrelevant as the city they call home.

What is this Lebanon you speak to me about? Hold on while I push the snooze button on Dahye’s missiles and the 3 injured Syrians who are on their way to rehabilitation.

On Lebanon’s Liberation Day

Liberation day makes me proud.

It makes me proud as a Lebanese because it brought glory to my country.
It makes me proud as a Northerner who had never set foot in his country’s South until this past December that it gave me back my country’s other side.
It makes me proud as a human being because all those people, many of whom are my dear friends, became part of a country again, regardless of how fragmented that country may be. It makes me proud because the sacrifices of those same people for years and years under the tyranny of a foreign army and Lebanese mercenaries came to a triumphant end.

Liberation day makes me sad as well.

It makes me sad because another side of the country’s similar struggles will never be looked upon the same way.
It makes me sad because its meaning is being ridiculed by people out of sheer political gerrymandering.
It makes me sad because the same people that made it are now ruining it with every single drop of Lebanese blood falling in Al Qusayr.

Liberation day makes me pitiful too.

It makes me pity those who are so politically blind today that they cannot be proud of the day’s meaning.
It makes me pity those who are so hateful on sectarian lines that those liberated are not of us and will never be us.
It makes me pity those who were liberated and still think, thirteen years later, that their liberation entitles them to so much more than others.
It makes me pity the people that fought for this liberation and who are destroying its meaning with their massive brainwashing.

I remember being a 10 year old whose mother told him that his South is now liberated. I remember feeling concerned back then. I still feel concerned today. Happy liberation day to those who still care.

How Tripoli Didn’t Sleep Last Night

What happens in Tripoli stays in Tripoli – at least that’s what Lebanese media and politicians want.

The battles currently taking place in the city aren’t registering except with those who are affected. It could be because Tripoli’s politicians are the masterminds behind them. It could be because Lebanese media knows it will never spillover outside the city’s confines.

What is certain, however, is that the following video illustrates the worst night in Tripoli since the civil war whereby the city was shelled with over 1200 mortars.

This is Lebanon too. I was starting to doubt anything existed beyond Madfoun.

Why The Lebanese Government Is Silent On Tripoli

Every once in a while, the city I once referred to as “3enna” by mistake becomes a place I force myself to go the extra mile to recognize.
The last time such heavy fights broke out in the city, we were all in outrage at how media couldn’t care less about the people dying and the innocent lives in danger. Today, the outrage over Tripoli’s worst night since the Civil War is gravitating towards a government that is as apathetic as apathy goes.

However, are we supposed to expect anything more from our government? Tripoli’s Ministers and MPs go on air to voice their disdain and condemnation over what’s going on. What’s actually happening, though, is that in the other side of the room is one of their henchmen waiting on a phone to issue further instructions to the fighters on both sides of the battles.

Najib Mikati feigns peace. But he probably has men fighting. Mohammad el Safadi feigns innocence. But he probably has men fighting too. Have you ever seen how Bab el Tebbane worships Kabbara? Why do you think that is? You don’t have to over think it really.

The solution for Tripoli isn’t political. If it were, all those politicians asking for calm and peace would have succeeded by now. The problem is that those same politicians want to perpetuate the status quo, because this status quo works and does wonders for them and their careers.
It keeps the city poor for them to do their “charity” work.It keeps the city relevant politically for them to make a “political” dent and remain in the country’s political spotlight.

Perhaps the solution for Tripoli is for a side of the battle to actually win. Perhaps the problem in this country is that we have never had a clear winner and a clear loser in anything, not elections, not the war and not even those sporadic battles in Tripoli which we’ve gotten used to.

Until then, my thoughts go to all the people spending their days and nights in absolute terror in the city I’ve come to love, a place that doesn’t deserve the hand it’s dealt.