Updating Your Dictionary

It is quite rare when I receive an email that makes me laugh this much. But my friend Cathie emailed me something that I just had to share with you.

Have you ever seen those modified words that make you go: Why haven’t I thought about this before?

Well this post is all about that – words that have been submitted by readers to The Washington Post by changing, adding or removing one letter of commonly known words.

The result is very subtle and quite awesome. I also dare you not to laugh! My favorites? Well, numbers 6, 8 and 14 are pretty cool, no?

Check them out, the new words we have to start getting used to:
1. Cashtration  (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.  Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3.  Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.  Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.  Bozone  (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.  Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7.  Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.  Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9.  Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. <

10.  Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

11.  Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodesand it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.  Decafalon  (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.  Glibido : All talk and no action.

14.  Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.  Arachnoleptic Fit  (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16.  Beelzebug  (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17.  Caterpallor  (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And part of the submission as well is for readers to give alternate meanings to commonly existing words. Check these out:

1.  Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.  Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.  Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.  Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent , adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.  Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8.  Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.  Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10.  Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11.  Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12.  Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.  Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.  Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15.  Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16.  Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

6 thoughts on “Updating Your Dictionary

  1. Well I’ve been since I was 16 when I started to work. And even though its totally my money I get back- I love getting that cheque. Right now I get every few months $62.. Its nothing but I love it 😛

    Like

    Reply

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