Kawalees Beirut: Lebanon’s Funniest Instagram Account

In such times, a laugh is needed every now and then and I hope the content of this post entertains you as much as it entertained me when I saw it.

Kawalees Beirut

New to the Lebanese internet scene is an Instagram account (link) and Facebook page (link) called Kawalees Beirut. Caline Kajouni, a friend of mine, and with the help of two of her friends: Taline and Patrick, decided to re-create many of the scenes we’re exposed to as Lebanese and put a twist to them.

What if, for instance, you could take a jab at all those Lebanese series where people are in makeup and cocktail dresses all the time even when they go to bed?

What if you could do to that friend who’s stealing your fries exactly what you had in mind as you saw their fingers slither on the table towards your plate?

What if you could do to that doctor who doesn’t listen and wants to compensate for all his years of not making money exactly what you thought of as they wrote you a panadol perscription?

The trio try to answer such questions of our lives and more in extremely funny and short videos that they’re posting on their pages.

My favorite is by far the one about normal Lebanese versus Lebanese in series waking up from sleep:

 

Another hilarious one is what happens when you step on a Birkenstock, which is admittedly much more painful than stepping on anything else:

 

 

Or how to handle the latest heat-wave we got:

View this post on Instagram

When there's a heat wave in Lebanon.

A post shared by Kawalees Beirut (@kawaleesbeirut) on

 

Or when you have a friend who never shuts up (guilty as charged):

 

Or when you don’t wanna give your car to the valet parking service:

 

Or when pesky Arabic tirashrash music wakes you up from your Sunday nap:

 

Or when your friends are trying to converse at a bar:

 

There are many more videos where those came from. You can check out their Instagram page here and their Facebook page here. They’re already up to over 3500 followers between both pages so you know they’re up to something really good.

This is the kind of comedy that I think we need more of in this country: something not cliche, full of humor and with a sarcastic take on our daily lives. Lebanese comedians, take note: three people who have nothing to do with your field are giving you a few lessons.

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Lebanon Has The Eighth Wonder of the World

Our country is unique. If you thought our attempt at breaking into the seven wonders of nature with Jeita Grotto was a bust, think again because Lebanon has established an eighth wonder. And get this – it’s both natural and the work of men.

How’s that? Well, you don’t need me to explain the birds and the bees for you (I hope) but we can all agree that it is a natural process. And what those birds and bees eventually lead to is the work of men and women obviously.

What’s Lebanon’s eighth wonder? The correct question is not what but who. Behold, ladies and gentlemen, Nabih Berri:

Nabih Berri Eighth Wonder of the World Lebanon“How do we not love him and the eighth wonder of the world is his laugh,” the poster’s caption said.

In all his twenty years as speaker of parliament, I have never seen Nabih Berri smile. But I’ll take their word for it.

The Pyramids of Egypt are beyond jealous. Just saying.

Thank you Mr. Sakalaki for the picture.

Update: Another picture courtesy of my friend Mr. Seif. Berri’s supporters are the gift that keeps giving – with feisty slogans to boot.

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Updating Your Dictionary

It is quite rare when I receive an email that makes me laugh this much. But my friend Cathie emailed me something that I just had to share with you.

Have you ever seen those modified words that make you go: Why haven’t I thought about this before?

Well this post is all about that – words that have been submitted by readers to The Washington Post by changing, adding or removing one letter of commonly known words.

The result is very subtle and quite awesome. I also dare you not to laugh! My favorites? Well, numbers 6, 8 and 14 are pretty cool, no?

Check them out, the new words we have to start getting used to:
1. Cashtration  (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.  Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3.  Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.  Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.  Bozone  (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.  Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7.  Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.  Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9.  Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. <

10.  Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.

11.  Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodesand it’s like, a serious bummer.

12.  Decafalon  (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13.  Glibido : All talk and no action.

14.  Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15.  Arachnoleptic Fit  (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16.  Beelzebug  (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17.  Caterpallor  (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

And part of the submission as well is for readers to give alternate meanings to commonly existing words. Check these out:

1.  Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.  Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.  Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.  Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent , adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.  Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.

8.  Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.  Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10.  Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11.  Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.

12.  Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13.  Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14.  Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15.  Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16.  Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

To Skip Or Not To Skip Class Flowchart

A friend of mine posted this today on her Facebook page and I thought it was absolutely brilliant and hilarious!

We’re all university students who faced the dilemma of “do we attend or skip this class?” (and who are we kidding, I am skipping one right now :p)

This flowchart helps you answer that question.

Source.

Damn You AutoCorrect!!

This is a new website I’ve stumbled upon recently that you all need to check out! It’s hilarious! I’d add it to dearblankpleaseblank and MLIA as our procrastination-suitable websites.

The website is: http://DamnYouAutoCorrect.com

And here’s a sample of what’s waiting for you at the link:

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