Lebanon’s New Driving Law

Behold! Lebanon has a new driving law – and it stands at a whopping 197 pages! (check it here). Who knew our driving regulations were that developed?

I personally didn’t bother reading it because 1) I have no idea how it differs from the previous version and 2) no one will abide by it – not even our security forces who are supposed to enforce it. But I’ve linked it just because some of you are short on fun things to do.

When it comes to driving in this country, what’s on paper has nothing to do with what’s actually on our roads. When will our politicians realize that their attempts at regulating that are futile at best?

Driving in Lebanon will forever be as follows:

  • – You will use your left hand as indicator at all times. If you have a passenger with you in the car, his right hand will serve as your right indicator. This is non-disputable.
  • – There are no lanes. If the axis of your car isn’t alined with those dashed lines, you’re not doing it right.
  • – There are no maximum speed limits. You just keep going and going and going as long as traffic permits. If by some random chance you stumble on someone going at the speed limit, you will use your high beams to temporarily blind them.
  • – There are no minimum speed limits. You are allowed to text and whatsapp and tweet and update your Facebook status as you drive slower than a turtle on the left lane. No one is allowed to be annoyed by this.
  • – Red lights are for decorative purposes only. If you see someone waiting for it to go green, you will honk their ears off. It’s only appropriate – your time is golden and they’re wasting it.
  • – That pedestrian light is simply there to entertain you with its constant glowing. Green means go and red means go. Pedestrian gets squashed? Who cares.
  • – The pedestrian light is also there to entertain pedestrians. Whether it’s red or light holds no bearing on whether they should cross or not. The rule is as follows: look left. Look right. Read, set, go!
  • – Nothing comes between you and your favorite snack place. If it means triple parking in the middle of the road then so be it. You will park wherever you please, whenever you please. Unless there’s a politician passing by. Or the entire street is taken by valet parking. If someone dares to take your parking spot, bloodshed will be permitted. Refer to your favorite local militia for assistance.
  • – Your car being unsuitable for driving is no problem whatsoever. A renault 12 without doors, without a roof, without headlights and with an engine that almost dies every few minutes is the standard. If your car is better than that, it’ll pass.
  • – Think of road signs as year-long Christmas decorations. Some of them are ugly. Others are more creative. But they are all useless. Example: A one way street sign means this particular street is always two-ways. Always. The imbecile who put it there was not thinking straight.
  • – If by some random chance some policeman decides to hand you a $50 ticket, you will grab your $1000-worth smartphone and call your favorite politician or that policeman’s superior then hand the phone over. Once the policeman cowers away in terror and rips your ticket in tiny little pieces, you will leave the scene of the crime with your dignity intact.

And that’s how you do it. That new law can shove it.

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6 thoughts on “Lebanon’s New Driving Law

  1. Jives exactly with my memories of riding with a friend who had a 1952 straight eight Buick that he drove in multiple lanes at once as we sped back into the city at 90 miles per hour. He spoke only French and Arabic and me neither but I understood when he wanted me to signal right turn by waving my arm out the window and pointing toward the sea!

    Reply
  2. exactly the problem is with the people not the law, even if the gov enforces it as long as ppl have this mentality it wont be implemented, the weird thing is 90% complain abt the other 10% who dont respect the law and yet u see the majority dont obey it, kel wa7ad yshouf 7alo THEN everything will work

    Reply
  3. we have been waiting for this for SO long now that we have it we complain abt it, JUST like the smoking ban law and of course other laws to come as well lebanese appreciate NOTHING nagging is what we do best

    Reply
  4. Pingback: Ministry of Culture To Buy Land & Save Lebanon’s Oldest Church in Downtown Beirut? | A Separate State of Mind | A Lebanese Blog

  5. The most awuful rules I have immaged or heard of such regulations .. that put government and
    ofiicial people is a place of a TRAER instead of regulatoror planner for traffice saftyrulles to lebanese people.
    The new traffice rules will never improve the tfaffic in Lebanon as it started from the top of the problem and not from the bottom as it should be.

    The new traffic rulles will increase income to the government only.and increase chios to the people..
    The Lebanese people burn oit while their cars are stopped (as stand still) due to traffice jam
    more than what lebanon consumes in all industiries. which this cost the government a huge amount of HARD currency.

    I do not think this new traffic laws is the solution.

    The solution is
    !- arrange enough parking places
    2- prohibit cars from parking on any side of the street..( except for immergency)
    3- reduce importing huge number of cars.
    4-arrrange one uniform cars fo TAxis)

    after implying the above then double of tripple your fines

    this will reduce traffic and government hard currency from importing oil

    otherwise government is doin business profit anot not looking of proper planning for safty traffic

    Reply

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