Today is the day I become a Lebanese expat and my country of residence, in all those forms that we have to fill, becomes something else than the home I’ve known for all of the 27 years I’ve existed so far.
On my possibly last drive to the airport as a Lebanese citizen permanently living in his home country, I was thinking about how sad my mother was next to me, as she prayed her rosary, probably for me to have safe travels and a beaming future in the United States, the country that’s offering me a home.
I was also wondering if, in the upcoming few months, I’ll be one of those Lebanese whose entire purpose in life is to sell the country they’ve left, hiding away all of the flaws that made them leave it. Then I realized, I’m probably already the target of those videos, such as that Byblos bank ad that went viral about two days ago, titled: There’s No Home Like a Home in Lebanon:
I will miss my grandma’s cooking, but most of all I will miss her and those sweet teary eyes that bid me farewell, in a hospital room this morning, as I said goodbye to my sick grandfather before heading to the airport.
I will miss that man’oushe, those Sunday lunches with my family, road trips to areas I haven’t yet discovered with friends who mean the most to me.
Yes, this is the country where I was born, where my family and friends live, where I’ve had my first kiss and my first heartbreak, and in whose airport I’m currently writing this post as I look on a whole bunch of other people like me leaving, in planes carrying my national symbol.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tearful and grateful for what I’ve been offered as I write this. But on that last drive to the airport, I realized once more that emotion and reason can’t mix in determining the future that we ought to demand for ourselves, starting with myself.
There comes a time when hummus and man’oushe over sensational music isn’t enough anymore to sell a country, no matter how many times the same disc is spun. I’m sorry to say, that disc is broken – nay, it’s shattered and there’s no coming back from it.
In this past week alone, a 24 year old named Roy Hamouche was killed in cold blood because some guy was angry. Another person was also attacked by a police officer because of road rage.
In this past week, a physician coerced the judicial system into helping him commence the cover up in a possible malpractice lawsuit, and we can’t but sit by and watch.
I’m leaving a country as a 27 year old citizen who was never allowed to vote, and whose voice has to always be self-censored as to not face the wrath of the multiple sensibilities we have to consider in saying what’s on our mind.
I’m leaving this country as a doctor who has to fight a mammoth of a system entirely geared at making me feel like I’m always a bug up the echelons of my career, no matter how much I try to thrive.
I’m leaving a country whose beaches are dirty, whose sea is toxic, whose forests are being dismantled, whose elderly are being turned down at hospital doors, whose mothers and their children are being evicted from houses and forced to live in construction sites even in the heart of Beirut, whose garbage can’t be sorted or addressed, and whose people – most of them at least – are still ready to offer their necks to the same politicians who have turned this country into what it is today, as they drool over any video or international article that says their country is a nice vacation site, and whose children are forced to beg in the streets to make ends meet.
A nice holiday destination doesn’t make a good index of life.
I’d love to say there’s no home like a home here. But the truth is that is far from the truth. There’s a reason why Lebanon has expats who visit every once in a while and return to countries they’ve chosen to turn into their homes.
It’s because in the republic of wasta, you can only make it as far as your strongest connection. It’s because in the republic of waste, you breathe cancer.
It’s because their children can die for angering the wrong person on the street, because this country ranks among the highest in corruption, the weakest in passport strength, and is on the lower side when it comes to international indices of life.
Remember this when you support sensational bank ads or articles or lists of why this country is the best ever. Remember that falling to delusions of grandeur will never advance this country, and that being content with what we have will never give us what we need.
Never forget where you’re from, but always remember why you left. I love it here. Correction: I loved it here. But today, I pack my life in 3 suitcases, and leave all of it behind because here is not where my future lies.
A Separate State of Mind | A Blog by Elie Fares 
So emotional and true dear Elie ! All the best and I wish you a great career ahead and a bright future on all levels. Be blessed in everything you do !
Sincerely, Youssef M. Alwan Area Manager – Middle East STAAR Surgical 📱+9613453625 🖥 http://www.staar.com / uk.discoverEVO.com
Sent from my iPhone™
>
LikeLike
Indeed, this country is best for retirees and visiting expats. I’ve always enjoyed your perspective on different topics and hope you will still find the time to voice it in your new country. Which state is your happy host?
LikeLike
I really like your writing. I am sad you are leaving your family but I welcome you to America and wish you the very best.
LikeLike
Yeah man everything here is f****d up here im planning on leaving very soon i just need to finish my 2 years of studies and im out (probably to the US)
LikeLike
Good luck and all the best! I share your point of view as well, like most Lebanese youth trying to build a future. But let’s keep a positive note here, some movements in lebanon are trying to make a change, there is a real struggle for change now and am happy this awareness and change has started, even if it will take a long time. If we all leave this country and no one attempts to make a change, what will happen to Lebanon?! Let’s spread some hope rather than repeat what everyone else is saying/complaining which is quite passive.
LikeLike
When the elections happen, if they ever do, we can always vote as Lebanese Expats. And when we live in a less toxic and dangerous environment outside Lebanon, some of us are able to give more of their time and effort to bring about change – even from afar. It doesn’t sound very negative to me 🙂
LikeLike
Hey ya, I have been following your blog for a while now, and I love the way you express your opinion without any filter.
As a fellow Ebrin-ist, and a Lebanese abroad, allow me to give you another perspective.
You see, first, when I started getting my papers in order to leave (the first time), I had the same feeling as you did. I was sick of the country, I was tired of everything that is politics, wasta… simply corruption. But here is the thing, the second time I left Lebanon (I still have yet to return) something else happened to me: When I first was moving to France it was because I wanted to secure a job abroad after I finish studying. I wanted to work with something I love without the “Lebanese prejudice” of the ” She’s an artist” or even worse “Rekassa” comments – as a lot of people there have no conception of the arts whatsoever. After living in Paris, I realized how lucky I was to be able to go abroad and do the thing I love, while other people are stuck doing other things because what they love is either “frowned upon” (I know I am exaggerating) or simply does not exist. That is when my perspective changed.
Fast forward to four years and two degrees later, I just finished my MFA and I am planning on returning and making a change. No matter how small of a change, I still want to make it happen. [what I mean by that is a long process that will happily explain, but not in this comment since it is about to get longer lol]
I wish you all the luck Elie, and I know your future is big and ready for you to grab. But remember, instead of leaving to secure a life outside your country, go abroad and bring back the knowledge which this country needs in order to benefit the community that raised you, the community that made you who you are – as you said. If we all keep nagging and saying these negative thoughts about Lebanon – while they are true- we are still ONLY nagging, we are not actively trying to make a change. And by consequence, that which we are suffering from did not end, it is still the same because all we did was that voiced out words and opinions. And while words are a very important tool, nagging is not really the right format for a “change” (I am speaking in general here, I know what you wrote is not nagging) Instead, we should have the mentality of: “Alright, so this is what happened, what small act can we do to help prevent it.” It could be from simply organizing s talk about gun crimes, to a whole protest. We need to utilize this negativeness in which Lebanon is, and make something good out of it, make a change, make your mark on history. I have lived in two countries and visited about a dozen, I have also met people from more than 50 other nationalities, and have been to protests and women marches, and trust me, we are not the only ones suffering, corrupted, or in deep shiznit – which still does not make it right.
Speaking up (which you have been doing a lot) and fighting it all is what will make you feel proud of where you came from.
And one day, you will sit your grandkids down and tell them about the time you left the country to grow as a human, and came back and made your country more humane.
I wish you the best in your endeavors. I know you will go on to do great things, will be looking forward to reading all about it.
All the best,
Sarah x
LikeLike
Well said Sarah.
LikeLike
well said Sarah 🙂
LikeLike
Very well said Sarah, you describe well the situation of Lebanese living abroad and it is great to plan to come back to “bring back the knowledge which this country needs in order to benefit the community that raised you” 🙂
LikeLike
Beautifully put ❤️🙂
LikeLike
Chukran for this remarkable reply.
I share the same thoughts.
Adding to that, personally making a very small effect or helping out with whatsoever small activitiy in my home country has more tast to it and will last your life.
Living outside will only make you a slave for many. I can elaborate on the last one if you want.
LikeLike
I feel such a sense of loss at your leaving. Yours was a voice that made a real difference. I felt that when you wrote about something, it had a tangible effect. Lebanon’s loss is America’s gain. Best wishes for your transition.
LikeLike
Elie habibi — though I have written this already — Welcome to the States!
I am not sure where you will be living — God willing — to practise medicine; but I am halfway between New York City & New Haven CT (Yale New Haven Hospital). We are surrounded by hospitals here in the NYC & New England area (Harvard & MIT & hospitals). If you are nearby please contact me w/ the email you have on file for me so I can help you in any way possible (things to see/places to shop/churches as I am a Melkite/Maronite also/navigating differences in etiquette! etc.). I am most likely your mother’s age & w/ her blessing I am happy to help you in any way possible; so please don’t hesitate to contact me — even if you are not very near me.
Elie — may God protect you & bring you here safely & happily. We will find you good things to eat!
LikeLike
”Remember that falling to delusions of grandeur will never advance this country, and that being content with what we have will never give us what we need.”
With all due respect, leaving will never help it advance either and you’re doing it more harm than good with this article.
Please reconsider what you wrote, encouraging people to leave is not a solution, preaching a wind of change is.
LikeLike
80 years of preaching, almost a full century of wasted blood, sacrifices and many other precious things, and you want more?
I left the country 7 years ago and i have contributed well to my new home as well to a new society that i feel i belong to, and if there are some things life taught me is that the people who answer to such a post like you did fall in 4 categories:
1- the ones who cannot leave the country for whatever reason it is and drop their anger on the ones who were forced to leave, were able to and succeeded.
2- the failures and hypocrites who make people believe they are something but in reality not even close.
3- the ones that are part of this degenerate corrupted system or the millionaires that would not care less what happens to the country.
4- the very few that actually landed decent jobs in lebanon out of their own success and refuse to leave this country. ( i doubt you one of them)
Before you go ballistic on this comment. I was part of an NGO in lebanon called “Offre et joie” for 8 years. An ngo that itself and its members have given and still are to this country with nothing in return more than anyone else could have in decades and many times at the risk of our own lives. But sometimes enough is enough.
So before you criticize a post and a choice that many of us actually were forced to chose and live, at least have the decency to show your lifetime work and what you contributed to this wind of change, let alone the fact that you did not even post your name.
Sadly unlike you, we the one that left, did not preach a wind of change, but actually most of us were the wind that was blown away by the corruption and the garbage of mentalities present in Lebanon
So with all do respect Sir/Ma’am,
You are wrong.
LikeLike
And to add one mote point. When we were kids in school we studied that the Lebanese of late 19th/early 20th century relied on money from moughtaribin and that the blocade during WW1 caused the starvation that killed most of the lebanese at the time. 100 years later it’s still the same story. So instead of criticising the people who left maybe people who stayed behind should appreciate the hardwork and the hours we put in everyday at work to be able to send money and keep the country going. Latest study shows that we send 7 billion $ a year. That’s more than the government generates. If you don’t want to leave fine it’s your choice but accept the fact that without us more than 3/4 of the population would be starving.
LikeLike
Dani, do you have any viable historical sources about the ‘real’ Lebanese past ? As a “not Lebanese but quite involved foreigner” I misses correct sources to educate myself about the “reality” of that (damn) country.
Thx in advance for the time you can alow me.
LikeLike
Dear denekios. I am sorry I didn’t reply to your question before. I just received an email from this blog 2 years after I wrote my comment and saw your comment. Real Lebanese history does not really exist. Every group has his own beliefs and his own version of that history. Everyone is a hero and a victim at the same time in that schizophrenic nation. Good luck finding the reality of that place. Take care.
LikeLike
Agreed, you got a good point
LikeLike
Your words and sentiments have brought it all back to me. I left Lebanon for America in the midst of the vicious spiral of the sectarian violence of our Civil War, when death and destruction reigned supreme, when people were stopped and gunned down point-blank not because of road rage incidents but simply for their last name and religion. My childhood friends were twins from Tripoli whose bus was stopped on the way to Beirut. One of them came back in a body bag; the other on foot, skin-and-bone, seven days later, after he feigned death. My twin friends hadn’t cut off, tailgated, or flipped off anyone.
Now I am back to Lebanon, not by choice but for family reasons. I wish I could share the same outlook as Lara’s. I wake up every day trying. I just can’t. As long as this country is ruled by the current system of tribalism, nepotism, theft and utter corruption, the future (short and long-term) will remain bleak.
Now that you have joined the ranks of the Lebanese diaspora, the only thing that will bring you back here is family, a wedding, or a funeral. You will have an exciting time for a few days, then you’ll be quickly (and rudely) reminded of why you’d left this godforsaken country in the first place. The itch to go back to your second home becomes too intense to even tolerate staying one more day.
But our politicians, indifferent to the continuing brain drain in Lebanon, will have the audacity to register your name and boast of the number of the so-called tourists coming to “the only country in the world where one can ski on snow in the morning and swim in the waters of the Mediterranean in the afternoon.”
All the best to you.
LikeLike
Thanks for putting everything that always come to my mind in a page where i can actually share with people. GO! GO live a decent life, go experience for the first time what is it like to be a human being an actual one. Until we meet again, in the states! Lal asaf.
Great article!
And thanks for your honesty and sincerity.
LikeLike
Ma hada kemshik 🙂
LikeLike
I left over 5 years ago, still visit often, but won’t move back. One of the reasons I know I won’t move back are those stupid videos shared online.
The videos I’ve seen show Lebanon is a great tourist destination, provided you can handle a tourist destination without the necessary infrastructure (transport, electricity, water, pollution and corruption).
The videos also prove that Lebanon as a society is incapable of self-reflection and self-criticism. ‘Everything is the best in Lebanon’, while in fact the country is just being held back. When BBC pop up discussed prostitution among Syrian refugees – a genuine concern – you had some philistine show videos of the cedars and nightlife, complaining in broken English about unfair bias. Yes, the cedars are incredible, but human trafficking is a separate issue that also needs to be dealt with.
It’s this same mindset which is why I’ve been deprived of the vote for 8 years, why growth has been effectively negative, debt has ballooned (again) and crime is apparently increasing. A discussion around numbers is impossible: instead it all turns into bullshit conspiracy theories about the Saudis / Iranians / Europeans / Americans / Maronites / Druze / Shiite / Sunni / refugees / Israelis. This reversion to conspiracy theories is also the clearest evidence that as a society, Lebanon cannot hold itself accountable to the choices it makes.
No, it’s always someone else’s fault according to Lebanon as a society. Roy’s tragic case is just a symptom of the inability to hold itself to account, and I’m afraid nothing is going to change for a long time…
Anyway, all the best with the move.
LikeLike
Our mothers’ sadnesses will always haunt us
LikeLike
Welcome to my life.
LikeLike
Elie, if you are headed to the Boston area please reach out. Happy to help in any way I can. Your are the same age as my nieces and nephews and while they haven’t came to the conclusion you came to that there’s no future for them in Lebanon I am happy to consider you like one of them. Best of luck for a bright future in the USA.
LikeLike
I left Lebanon in 1982 for further my education and medical training , I got married, have a wonderful family and a successful medical practice, I had all what I wanted, but ….. deep down was that constant ache, not to be able to live and work in a country I adore and love, visiting my town was always my dream, 2weeks a year i relive my former life, the day of my departure to my present life always gave me the sensation of sadness because I am leaving behind the place/people that I love,sadly the country was/is in turmoil and with it , our generation lost the meaning of being all what you can be, the hard working people, the highly educated grads, the peace loving generations that could have been a major factor in our country advancements and prosperity immigrated to far away places looking for better opportunities and with it better, peaceful life,our politicians, religious extremism and sadly the ignorance of the majority of our people led us to our fate, but Lebanon despite all the negativitie will always be my sanctuary, where only I feel home.
LikeLike
Your article reminds me a lot of myself about a year ago. I was itching to leave not only Lebanon, but the middle eastern region as a whole. I was growing tired of a lot there.
I could no longer take every single person asking me where I’m from, then immediately looking down towards my necklace and nodding slightly as if they’ve cracked the eternal mystery which is my religion. I could no longer take the people who seemed to agree with me when I told them we needed new young people in our political institutions in order to breathe new life into them, and then immediately come down with a bad case of cognitive dissonance whenever I started talking about “their” political leader, one that would probably run them over with his 12-car convoy if it meant that he wouldn’t be late to his tax-payed dinner. I could no longer take people telling me to apply (or not apply) to this or that company because I was of the “right” (or “wrong”) religion. I could no longer hold back the disillusionment that kept creeping back every now and then reminding me that the country simply cannot survive on the whims of tourists, on arguileh and tabbouleh, and on French and 80’s nights followed by after-parties at B018. I could no longer take the fact that I, an engineer whose parents spent around tens of thousands of dollars on his education, would need about 4-6 decades just to break even on that investment!
All of this and more forced me to leave, forced me to travel 12000 miles away and live by myself in order to secure not only my own future, but the future of my family as a whole. It forced me to build a life outside of Lebanon in case the country once again succumbs to war and turmoil.
And I hate it! I hate all of it! I hate the fact that I have to be one of the MILLIONS of Lebanese who can only hope to help their family by sending money back to their home country, money that will ultimately end up in a new European beach house or a new black-tinted bulletproof Mercedes C63 AMG. I hate the fact that the overwhelming majority of Lebanese people I met abroad have given up on their country, and appear shocked or even amused when I tell them that I haven’t given up yet, and that I’m willing to go back. I hate that they look at me with pity as if I was somehow defeated by the big scary outside world. I hate the fact that every time I meet someone and tell them about Lebanon, they end up giving me a variant of “I’d love to visit someday, maybe if it was safer”. I hate the fact that I have to constantly explain why Beirut is more expensive than New York and San Francisco, but people living there still get Ottoman era salaries. I hate the fact that I have to brace for the inevitable “So how is the situation over there, with the war and all?” EVERY. SINGLE. TIME I tell someone where I’m from. I hate the fact that everyone keeps asking me how far away from Dubai my country is, to see if they could pass by quickly during their next UAE trip, and then give me a lukewarm response when I tell them that we’re sandwiched in between two of the most unstable locations in the Middle East/ World.
Frankly, while this post seems like full of hate, the reality is quite the opposite. I’m only hateful because I still care, because I’m desperately trying to hold on to anything. I’m exasperated at the total inefficiency of what is now only a husk of the great country it used to be. I’m tired of constantly trying to show my country in good light while it is trying its absolute best to make a complete embarrassment of itself. I’m devastated at the fact that the entire country’s stability rests on whether the “big brother” countries are ready for their next pissing contest or not. I’m saddened at the fact that my children will more than likely have to live the same way I did, orphans of their own country that gave them up because it was too busy taking care of its image rather than the fundamental problems plaguing it. I’m hateful because I, as a Lebanese citizen, care about my country, and I can only hope that one day it would care about me too.
LikeLike
I loved everything u said Youssef. It really hit home for me 🙂
LikeLike
Sorry to inform you Elie, you just left your family & your country behind, you lack commitment & patriotism, you are too weak to survive in a very competitive community so you chose the easy way out as most Lebanese did before you…
And please cut the BS short about the corruption and and and, all the world is corrupted, at least you don’t see terror attacks in Beirut as often as you see in F Europe recently or even the US… it is just clearer in Lebanon cause its a tiny little sacred peace of Land.
I hope you get yourself together in the USA and return back solid to Lebanon to share your expertise and provide help to your fellow citizens…
LikeLike
Dear Hady Abou Asaly,
Maybe you are so harsh on Elie because you are one of those blind “hezb” followers who have guns, don’t read books, and party at Rikizz, has vodka, and sleeps with a girl then talks behind her back as she says she is a virgin. Maybe you like being a hypocrit and you don’t want to change. Good for you! The current atmosphere is perfect for people like you and I am sure you are one of those primitive citizens who have the ability to survive in this jungle. I in contrast, am happy living in Germany, where I pay 80 euros a month to use all public transportation possible, i payed 350 euros per semester (yes u read it right) to study in the best universities in Europe. I get 2 years coverage from my job if i want to become a stay at home new mother etc. which society deserves my loyalty? Rouh zammir lal za3im w bartil mwazaf l dawle. Leb2etlak.
LikeLike
I swear to God this is exactly how I feel towards Lebanon and why I want to move to Germany to secure a better future far away from the barriers of corruption. Soon enough I’ll be moving out as well and become an expat.
LikeLike
It s called an immigrant and not an expat. An expat leaves for a short period that is genrally determined in advance and knows he/she will be back in it s home country short to mid tearm. What you describe here is immigration not expatriation.
LikeLike
Similar but different and not mutually exclusive as we as “immigrant” can always choose to come back. Expats Might work best for those who work in Gulf countries and never expect to become full fledged citizens of their host countrieswith all the rights and obligations that come w it.
LikeLike
To MEAB: Not to nitpick about English usage here, but your comment about the difference between “immigrant” and “expatriate,” while technically correct, misses the nuances of the cultural aspect of the meaning of the words. As you know, language is not static, and culture and language are closely intertwined. The words “immigrant” and “expatriate” are loaded words. They may carry different connotations, preconceptions and assumptions about class, education and social status. To not-so-small number of people, especially in this day and age of Brexit and Trumpians, an immigrant means a hotel maid or construction worker, while an expat implies an educated professional or a person of a higher privileged position. The word “expatriate” is derived from the French “expatrier,” meaning “banish” or “send (someone) away from a country or place as an official punishment.” One might argue that Dr. Elie has been banished by our shitty, selfish, worthless, corrupt politicians. And as the word also suggests, Dr. Elie will hopefully return to his original home – one day.
LikeLike
And does the United States of America you’re moving to lack dirty beaches, garbage in the streets, free criminals and people being killed for the silliest reasons with cold blood?! I believe a person like you should know the number of incidents where students show up at American schools with weapons and kill their fellow students… I am not defending Lebanon here as I myself is an expat. All I’m saying is that wherever you go there isn’t a perfect place.
P.s: you did have the right to vote (I am your age and at least I was able to for municipalities), but I believe people who don’t use this right are the reason why the same politicians keep winning elections. The problem is in us the people, not Lebanon!
LikeLike
Well said! I made a similar comment, the US isn’t as great as people in Lebanon think! It’s all about your mindset and your attitude. The US has lots of positives but is far far far from perfect.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Most importantly, keep blogging about Lebanon, in the hope to make a change.
LikeLike
Godspeed!!!! You ‘ll get over it, we all did and we are very happy where we are, they take it, shove it and drink its water
LikeLike
Let’s vote those fuckers out! They should be leaving! Not us!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Been there with my boyfriend! Immigrated, did my residency in IM, married the Man I love (gay marriage), sick of the US and its people. Im waiting my fellowship to end to travel somewhere other than here!
It’s not as good as it feels at first..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well done my man, well said. A nation is build by actions and not dreams
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is disheartening to read: the uphill battle for those who make a daily choice to remain in this country gets harder when there are fewer of us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The grass is greener on the other side (because they have more shit in it)
all the above is true, however building a country requires struggling not leaving it
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good luck. The true Lebanon is not in Lebanon anymore. Here, to many people feel depressed, disenfranchised, boxed in. Most opportunities are not here and so if you want your best shot at getting opportunities you should leave. The worst part of Lebanon is not the politicians it is the Lebanese (not their politicians) as a people unable or unwilling to stand for what’s right and that includes me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Elie Elie , “you are worried and upset about many things. But only one thing is necessary , Kennedy the former president of the United State said to the American ‘ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country’, which they had heard ‘time and time again’ in a similar form at school.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Incidentally, those are the words of Gibran, Kennedy borrowed them…
LikeLike
Right on, Eliane. Thanks for noting it. More to the point, Gibran never intended these words to be addressed by a president to his people. He was writing an open letter, in Arabic, to Lebanese parliamentarians in 1925, (some things never change!) during the fall of the Ottoman Empire. His letter was titled ”The New Frontier”
“Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country?
If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in a desert.” ~Gibran Khalil Gibran
LikeLike
I agree
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree
LikeLike
Not a day goes by without the cognitive dissonance living in Lebanon offers.
For starters, I’ve read every comment on this section and belong to the category #4 which you described above: the very few that actually landed decent jobs in lebanon out of their own success and refuse to leave this country.
We’re all suffering the symptoms of living with this life-dilemma. If only it was as simple as bungee-jumping. (it’s not).
Why am I still here?
Grass is always greener. Even worse,
we’re so surrounded by shit here that wherever we go, we’ll find it creeping through the tiniest imperfections. Life in Lebanon is a trauma. It’s genetically inherited through generations. Sad news: this trauma will haunt you anywhere you go. Very few people are aware of that, while in contrast the majority just moves on thinking it’s a new life while the fact leaving is nothing more or less than a continuity of your current life. Those who block this reality let it fall back on their subconscious, which desperately and restlessly struggle to adapt smoothly to the new environment. A new environment where corruption operates on a much bigger scale. It’s the elephant in the room, so big and just there yet everyone is too self-absorbed and hypnotized by trends and consumerism that they shut an eye on it.
Think of Lebanon as a backpack that is stitched to your shoulders. No matter where you go, it’s on your back, even if you choose to deny it. Choosing to see it, taking that into consideration helps, but it never makes the backpack disappear. Please don’t let your “running away to secure a future” attitude bite you in the ass with more remorse and guilt.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wish you all the best. You are so right and for me, you are the real Lebanese, but people like you cant’t live here.
Au pays du mensonge, la vérité est une maladie!
Good luck for all!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Strongly disagree. Coming from a guy who’s “on his way to the airport” and hasn’t even left; try being an expat for 15 years rookie! Home will always be Home; because no one in your new country will cook like your mother, shed tears when you fail or succeed, or even pick you up when you slip on someone else’s egotistic megalomania from race, background, ethnicity or other bullshit you haven’t dealt with yet – coz you were HOME for 27 years, with friends, real ones!
We know it’s corrupt, but as I once said, I’ll take MY corrupt home any day over someone else’s crap. And don’t believe the illusion of “no corrupt gov’t”, it’s like believing you’ll get a Man’oushe as good as – wait for it – back home !!
And to the ones agreeing, you’ve either never left, or have been away for so long that you got another passport – major advantage to some points the writer mentioned, but a piece of paper shall never change a personality, upbringing, morals or beliefs. We’ve got two hands, we can use them to start making a change…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I made this trip 29 years ago, I made the same excuses even though it was during a devastating civil war, I will tell you Doctor that you are mistaking and I guess you want to face the beast you will be shocked when you read the fine print when you get the little details . From past experience I have seen lots of Doctors that they came to this land they worked hard to achieve their goals especially in under served areas and after getting the citizenship they packed and took the trip the other way. ….and they lived happier ever after. ….regardless of all the TRUE excuses you have wrote. …one of them is my own brother he is a Dr with a high level sub specialty that would allow him to make ten folds the money he’s making now in the home land, the country that we all love despite what you list of TRUE excuses ….if you can’t make it in Lebanon you can’t make it anywhere else. …you will find out that it’s not always greener on the other side. Good luck and best wishes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting post and more-so the divided point of views.
I grew up as an expat and only lived in Lebanon for 4yrs (during University). And while i love my country; its warm people (most of them at least), its nature, its food…i don’t think i fit in, or ever will. In fact, I’ve never been able to call Lebanon home, because it never really was or felt like one. So, i’m not in the same shoes as you, but i do understand your sentiment, as do most of us…we all ache to see our country digressing when others are being built for the future and prospering.
The thing is, whether you’re Lebanese, American, British or French, your home can change as do your ambitions in life. Americans are fleeing the same country you’re going to make your home for the next few years…its the natural way of life, we are nomads.
Lebanon will always be your country and mine, but i would never chose to stay in my home if the roof was falling in on me. Some people would decide to fix it and stay, but others would find pastures new. You chose the later and there’s no wrong in that. So go on, create something new; a new home, new memories, a new career and don’t look back, because this is a new chapter that will only add to your knowledge, culture and experience. Best of luck!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Elie,
I had the exact same feelings in 2006 when I left Lebanon to my second home, Canada, and which I was already a citizen of. I wanted nothing to do with Lebanon and its corruption and lack of opportunities. I left thinking Lebanon will start fading from being home to a vacation destination I look forward to once a year.
After 8 years in Canada of education, higher education, and work, reality and routine settled in and Lebanon never faded away into the vacation destination I had thought it will become.
Instead, I lived to learn that living in a big house in Canada with uninterrupted electricity and 4 cars in the driveway and driving to work on wide congestion-free highways through beautiful green landscape is ok, but to satisfy my soul, I needed to be back to my home country to be part of improving it and making a positive change even on a micro level.
I was and still am very determined that Lebanon needs people courageous enough, determined enough, and smart enough to make it better.
So in 2014, I moved back home to Lebanon and it has been the best decision I have taken in my life. The work-life balance found here and the ease of having fun through the small simple things cannot be matched anywhere else and unfortunately, one cannot realize its meaning until they live deprived of it. One word, CONTENTMENT “Ane3a”! Add on top of that the family factor, and that’s all I need.
My goal is to build a life I don’t need a vacation from and I will die satisfied knowing that I did not give up on my country and that I gave it my best shot rather than not try at all and judge it from outside its borders.
I totally respect what you are saying “from the airport”, but give yourself enough time to live there and ONLY then you’ll become in a suitable position to compare and judge. Comparing 27 years in Lebanon to the ideas you have in mind about the US is not fair at all, but don’t take my word for it. You’ll experience it yourself first hand and remember this comment. 🙂
I wish you the best of luck in the US and I hope you’ll move back here one day and contribute a positive change to your home country Lebanon.
Godspeed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Elie
I am again heartbroken as another fine Lebanese heads towards a new life in another country. Of course I cannot blame you as you are now a member of a Flux of expats that started ages ago and for many different reasons.
Still, however, I cannot but wonder: “where would this country have been now if its citizens chose to stay and make a difference despite all the challenges?”
It’s not easy but looking at examples all around us in the world such as Germany, Japan and many other countries that turned ashes into stories of success and developments that exceeded anyone’s expectations. It all boils down to one thing mainly in my opinion, the strength of nationality and patriotism. In Lebanon it is a pride to obtain another nationality, we pride ourselves in following the norms of the modern world, but we have little respect to our language, our heritage and who we really are.
Yes our children are torn apart and confused as to where they belong and who are they?
Only us can make the change and it will start when we decide to believe in ourselves and our abilities.
I hate to think that it is too late now since this wave that started ages ago has taken with it those who could have made the change and left behind those who are trying real hard to work against the prevailing current to one day reach that goal. They are not the people who could not find jobs or who could not leave, they are those who chose to believe in their power. I hope one day the immigration wave will change its course and a change takes place.
Good luck Elie looking forward to always reading your messages hopefully sometime from Lebanon again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve been in the states since 2001. I had a job in Lebanon at the time at left. A job I landed without having a wasta. Felt so damn proud to be able to accomplish that. Unfortunately, as a female, independent, young adult without the luxury of a trust fund, there was no way to realistically build a future. Leaving Lebanon, my family and closest of friends was one of the hardest decisions I have had the make and not being able to visit as often as I wish, desire, want to is the next hardest decision. I miss the country terribly but once you’ve setttled into the new home, landed a job, met someone, had kids and life takes over, the financial burden of traveling back to Lebanon becomes harder. Your first few yrs will be spent thinking and obsessing about Lebanon and whether you made the right decision. That is normal. Then you settle in, hunker down, realize this is your new home and buy your first house. Things become real. You start to have moments where you feel homesick. The pretty pictures of Lebanon on your Facebook feed make you proud but you know the reality that lives beyond the photoshopped, pristine looking pictures that fail to show the harsh reality on the streets. Lebanon has lost its way and as long as “we the people” have no power to make changes, nothing will change. Talking negatively about Lebanon brings me no pleasure. It’s heartbreaking but it’s “the ugly truth”.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Do you think the US is better in terms of crime and security? You will find out there
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautifully written Elie. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Best of luck!
LikeLiked by 1 person
ya3neh iza Elie and hes leaving. that means things are really bad ! glad I finally left last year too.
not sure if he was an advocate to stay but I know it was the best decision with the country situation in the past 10-15 years, the future is not looking good at all
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ya3neh iza Elie and he left lebanon that means things are really bad for us regular folks. I’m glad I decided to leave last year (best decision iv made since I graduated many years ago).
I’m not sure if he was an advocate for staying in Lebanon through his blog as i’v haven’t been keeping up with all his posts (I do check it from time to time) but with the deteriorating situation in lebanon in the past 10-15 years, I really don’t blame him or anyone for leaving the country. its future is really looking bleak.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so sincere. So accurate. So hurtful. I couldn’t say it any better. I tried to write a few things and explain why I left Lebanon but this just incredibly describes how it feels to be a young Lebanese leaving the country. It hurts. It hurts to see that people are delusional and rather in denial that Lebanon “is the party city of the middle east”. We are in denial. I left Lebanon 6 months ago and I still wake up every day and feel so blessed that i left that nightmare. I don’t want to go back. Not even for a visit. Not anytime soon at least. I don’t miss it. It frightens me. I’m even scared by the idea of imagining myself being there again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Unfortunately, this is a heartbreaking truth…
I, myself, am giving “My Country” Lebanon the last opportunity..
LikeLiked by 1 person
don’t waste your time and leave. i gave it an extra 15 years. its not gonna work.
LikeLike
Best of luck in your new life, Elie.
It saddens me to see my favorite blog sun-setting after all these years of depicting the truth with no pointless filter (I hope it doesn’t).
If you ever pass by Seattle – my new home – make sure you reach out, I would love to meet you in person 🍻 !
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish you could translate this word-by word in Arabic & french for some friends of mine ❤️ Good luck in life, some of us are in the same boat 💔
LikeLiked by 1 person
This comments section is turning into an agony aunt column and a high horse parking lot. I think the guy was more trying to say how much he’s gonna miss his family than anything else really…but I could be wrong.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That and also bemoaning the fact that our politicians have turned this country into a place too unbearable to live in and build a future.
LikeLike
If you would like to read about injustice in Lebanon, please take a look through my blog, Elie. If anyone understands where you’re coming from, it’s me. The one who got caught up in the unjust system that we call the government. However, one day, when I can come back to Lebanon, I will make sure to bring everything I learned to try to make a change. I need my country to be a home again. http://www.cagedfreebird.com
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are a corrupted Elie.
You are internally weak.
You are not very different from the people we used insult when we were kids. We used to say that it was the older guys fault in making this country bad. I wish they took more care. I wish they made my environment better. I wish they invested in us.
You are greedy.
You are similar to the millions we knew.
You are simply nothing.
For US.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yesterday people died in London fire. AnAn American Congresman and others were shot in USA. The American President has decided to retreat the USA from the “Traité de Paris”, and to continue polluting the planet in order to gain money! We are living in a mad world in this era of globalisation!
LikeLiked by 1 person