My Last Valentine in Beirut To Be Banned?

Leave it to Lebanese movies to reveal inherent complexes among some strata in our society. I have yet to watch My Last Valentine in Beirut and seeing as it’s already been released, I figured it must have passed through the fangs of censorship and landed safely on our screens. But that was too good to last apparently.

No, the problem isn’t with the supposed sex in it. It’s not with the main character being a prostitute. It’s not with the use of “foul” language that might be offensive to some as if people don’t hear the word “sharmou*a” day in day out. The problem with My Last Valentine in Beirut seems to be more clothes-related.

The syndicate of nursing in Lebanon is filing a lawsuit against My Last Valentine in Beirut for using a nurse’s outfit seductively in the movie. The sultry portrayal of nurses in the movie is, according to the syndicate, a violation of the sanctity of their profession. I guess they haven’t played doctor before.

If the demands of the syndicate are met, the movie will be either withdrawn from cinemas or edited to remove these “offensive” scenes. Lebanese filmmakers, regardless of how horrible their movies might be, apparently need to bring in portions from every single part of society for early screenings. You never know what might be in their movies that might be offensive to someone whose mental capacities seem to be limited at best because it seems that lately anyone finds something offensive in absolutely anything and cannot get past it.

You’d think the Lebanese Nursing syndicate would be fighting for the rights of Lebanon’s nurses. You’d think they’d be demanding better wages, better working hours, more benefits. Instead they throw their efforts at My Last Valentine in Beirut because they know that if they make a big enough fuss, someone out there in Lebanon’s narrow-minded censorship bureau will respond. And it’s not like the “sexy nurse” attire in movies hasn’t been overly overdone but feeling empowered only happens when it comes to local productions.

And how about that horrible XXL ad? Doesn’t it have “sexy nurses” for them to sue?

I don’t know if My Last Valentine in Beirut is a good enough movie or not. But I find a request to censor a movie based on what a character wore in it is ridiculous. How silly is it for anyone to find what a character wears in a movie offensive enough to call for the banning or the censoring of said movie? I’m sure even less open countries of the region haven’t had such problems with their productions. And when will people learn that asking to ban anything only brings attention to the thing you want to ban? It happened recently with Tannoura Maxi, which seems to be winning well at international film festivals.

There’s a fine line between fighting for your rights and being absolutely obnoxious. Lebanon’s nursing syndicate is sitting firmly in the nauseating camp. And some wonder where some nurses get their attitude!

 

Lebanon’s Gangnam Style: Obba Saida Style

There’s a hilarious Egyptian version already. I couldn’t understand a word of that – I guess Egyptian isn’t exactly my strong suit.

And now there’s a Lebanese version for the Southern city of Saida – of which I could understand the minimum required to call myself Lebanese. Is it very Saida oriented or am I very disoriented? I have no clue!

I don’t know about you but I’m sticking to the Korean version 😛

The Age of Fortunetellers

Last time I checked, fortunetelling was reserved for New Year’s Eve when people with some form of “sight” grace our airwaves to tell us what to expect over the coming year – although they give themselves a few years as a range to make sure what they say eventually happens.
It got to a point where all our TV stations would host anyone. Those who pay the most get prodigy Michel Hayek. Those who can’t get Michel Hayek but are high profile enough get Layla Abdul Latif. And if you’re miserable like NewTV, you get an Australian card reader and give her pictures of our political leaders for her to look at.

However, it seems that the dark times the region is witnessing have gotten Layla Abdul Latif to get her “sight” together and inundate the world with predictions that will eventually happen. It might be in a year, or two, or ten. One could never know. It seems she’s also hell-bent on overthrowing Michel Hayek as Lebanon’s most celebrated neo-prophet.

Did you know we are having elections next year? Did you also know it’s going to be based on the 2009 law which everyone “theoretically” hates but no one is willing to change? Did you know the Sunnis and the Shia of Lebanon will NOT kill each other more than they already are?
Did you also know that Lebanon will soon become an oil exporter? Yes, because the massive amounts of national gas and petrol we’re sitting on are not meant to stay there apparently. You can check out the rest of the “predictions” here.

So people tune in to LBC which gets all the audience numbers of a Sunday night and even though they ridicule Layla Abdul Latif for the “visions” she gets, they still listen. And even though what she says is an absolutely logical reading of what might happen, somehow the clout she has thrown around herself as someone with a “gift” makes people feel more secure somehow.

It is the age of fortunetellers. And since fortunetelling seems to be in lately, I’ve decided to try my hand at it. *clears throat* these are my predictions for an unnamed period in time:

– People will continue dying in Syria until the revolution ends. Some people will die after that too.
– The Future movement will keep on hating Hezbollah. And vice versa.
– The animosity between the FPM and the LF will not decrease.
– Wi2am Wahhab will witness a markedly decreased spoken words per minute rate.
– Michel Aoun will become more paranoid.
– Samir Geagea’s word-repeats will extend to new items in the vocabulary.
– Saad Hariri is enjoying his vacation in France. But he will return eventually.
– Hassan Nasrallah has a thing for underground bunkers and will not leave his anytime soon.
– The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has no near ending in sight.
– The Lebanese people will vote for the same people in 2013 and they will then nag about the same people reaching power again.
– The 2013 elections will witness below the belt accusations thrown by the different camps at each other.
– The 2013 elections will feature an increased role for social media. Bloggers will be paid to support one candidate over another.
– Saudi Arabia will suppress its women even further.
– The Islamic revolution in Iran will come up with new interesting ridiculous fatwas.
– The Middle East’s Christians will remain panicky about their future.
– The United States will remain divided between Obama lovers and Obama haters.
– The United States will be hit by new hurricanes… Eventually.
– Sh*t will keep hitting the fan in Greece.
– Big quantities of rotten and expired food will be discovered somewhere within the 10452km2 of Lebanon.
– People will keep violating the smoking ban without any repercussions whatsoever.
– Lebanon will not see an improvement in abiding by traffic laws in the near future.
– There will be new anti-Islam material which cause outrage across the Muslim world.
– Lebanon’s Maronite patriarch will vote for the pope that will succeed Benedict XVI.
– Apple will release a new iPhone that keeps the iPhone 5’s form factor. And people will nag. Droids will hate. Everyone will buy anyway.
– Samsung will lose yet another lawsuit and be made to pay another billion.
– World peace will not happen.

I personally do not have the gift of “sight” and I came up with these while a physician was lecturing me about anemias. But if Michel Hayek and Layla Abdul Latif do it, why not me? Enno shou we2fet 3layon?
Now who wants to pay me thousands of dollars to host me on some TV show? I have stuff to buy and vacations to plan and people to fool.

Jennifer Lopez, The Lebanese Flag and Silly National Pride

It took Jennifer Lopez holding the Lebanese flag at her Dubai concert for some Lebanese to feel proud about their country’s independence day. They thought it was her way of wishing our country a happy independence day. And they ate it up.

Soon enough, everyone was talking about exactly how genuine a person Jennifer Lopez is and how honorable it was of her and how proud they are as Lebanese that their – our – country was recognized this way. Well, they thought wrong.

A friend of mine who went to the concert in Dubai told me that when she grabbed the Lebanese flag, Jennifer Lopez shouted “Dubai!” which meant that she thought our flag was that of the United Arab Emirates. I’m surprised no one bothered bringing that up till now actually.

It is always customary of artists going for concerts abroad to hold the flag of their hosting country. Jennifer Lopez didn’t bother with the UAE flag. Isn’t that an insult to the country that actually paid enough to bring her to sing on its grounds? And what makes Lebanon so important that she’d rather hold our flag at a concert not even held on our land?

Our sense of fake chauvinism knows no limit it seems.

Lebanon has its flaws. It’s a hopeless place to live in sometimes. It has a lot of shortcomings and I’ll be the first to point them out as I’ve done many times (here’s a sample). But I don’t need Jennifer Lopez holding my country’s flag for me to feel overwhelmingly happy about the country I live in. And frankly I find it sad that some Lebanese need this “validation” coming from a pop star of their country for them to feel some ounce of national pride which so ironically happened to be on a national day that they are too willing to dismiss as absolutely useless.

Jennifer Lopez doesn’t know what Lebanon’s flag looks like. She probably doesn’t even know we exist. The whole flag debacle is all mere irony. Now how’s that treating your silly national pride?

Lebanese Restaurants Violating The Smoking Ban: 3enab, Gemmayze

I went to 3enab yesterday for the first time and I thought it was a very cool restaurant. I really liked the old-fashioned Lebanese architectural aspect of it. The food was good as well – after all, you can’t go terribly wrong with Lebanese food, which is the absolute best, and that is a fact.

As my friends and I settled down, a waiter came to us and asked if we wanted an arguile. I promptly asked him: isn’t smoking banned? He then replied: we’ll open this window:

Never mind that the window was tiny but apparently that’s enough to consider the room an “open space” – whatever that means. Soon enough, a couple coming for dinner ordered an arguile. The man was also smoking cigar.

As we finished having dinner and turned around to leave, we were surprised to find the entire restaurant filled with arguiles, even in sections of the restaurant without windows to open. A friend noted as we exited the door: it felt like shisha cafe for a moment there.

 

Ironically, this is the sign they had at their main door:

As soon as I left, I called 1735 and reported the place. They took my contact info and said they’ll look into it. But as I was made to realize: infringing the law this obviously in an area where tourism police is constantly on the prowl, seeing it was a Friday night, means 3enab probably has some under the table dealings with those making sure the law is carried out. Anything for that extra arguile revenue.

I’m pretty sure those against the smoking ban are elated right now.